Is your child strong-willed?
Do they love doing things their way?
Do you often get caught in a power struggle that ends up in tears and emotional meltdowns?
If so, then please know that you're not alone. Strong-willed children are brave, determined, and courageous but sometimes it can be difficult to know how to connect with them, especially when they want things done their way!
Here are five strategies to help you connect with your child.
1. It's NOT about you.
This is not always easy to apply especially when you're tired and exhausted, but know that your child's behavior is not about you. In those moments when emotions run high, there is a little person who's struggling to navigate their big feelings and they don't yet have the words or the tools to help them.
What's important here is that you explore tools to help you self-soothe, so that you're able to stay calm in those moments when you feel your buttons are being pushed. I love using the mantra that my friend Suzy Reading shared, "I soften into this moment," or taking slow, deep breaths to bring me back to calm. Explore the strategies that will help you stay calm in those moments of overwhelm.
2. Allow opportunities for them to learn through experience.
Strong-willed children like to do things themselves and are hands-on learners. Where possible, allow them the space to experiment and figure things out by themselves. If they always want to zip up their own coat before leaving the house, find an opportunity when you're not rushing for them to practice at getting it right.
3. Provide them with choices
Sometimes it may feel as if your child is being difficult but strong-willed children are fiercely independent and they like to feel in control. This may not be possible in all situations, but where you can, try and include your child in the decision-making process, such as giving them a few options to choose from, or asking them for their opinion when it comes to making a decision.
4. Connect and validate their feelings
Help to dissolve some of the big feelings by validating what they're feeling. Saying "I can see you're really upset because you had to stop playing your game," or "I understand that you're feeling angry and disappointed right now because we have to go," won't magically make the wobbles disappear BUT it will help them feel heard and understood.
5. Shift perspective
In the heat of the moment, it can feel exhausting as you try to connect with your child but remember that strong-willed children possess many qualities that we'd like our children to have as adults, such as determination, perseverance, being able to stand up for themselves and voice their opinions!
So whilst this won't make all your challenges disappear I find it a useful reminder:)
Now I'd love to hear from you.
Which of these resonate with you or what have you tried when it comes to connecting with your child?
Drop your comments below and let me know!